Second time lucky

I never looked up at the sky in London because, nine times out of ten, I was guaranteed a grey sky. Here, in Japan, even on the shit days there's a blue sky. I love that.

A couple of nights ago I went to an international comedy night in Shibuya. I had attempted and failed this very task the previous month when I was very new to Tokyo and didn't see the point in even attempting to read maps. I just followed. This time I was successful and in only to 3 mins. The night was quite interesting, in that the funniest comedian was actually a Japanese guy. Everyone loved him, even the uber obnoxious Brits; 50 something year old way past their prime, beer bellies and overbearing voices. Unattractive would be an understatement.

The was also a really cool Indian Woody Allen who highlighted the an (red bean paste) phenomenon. Funnily enough the very next day everywhere I looked there was an and for the first time in Japan I wanted something else.

Japanese Valentine's Day

So it was Valentine's day here in Japan a few days ago and I had the pleasure of hosting the weekly party at the hostel...sigh. Not my thing. I can cook but I don't like the pressure. To tell yah the truth I don't know how to cook for more than one... ME. And here I am being thrown in the deep end. I made it through the night with spag bol and crepes. I force fed my male friends, and then in turn, I was force fed crepes.

I'm going on a diet!

January

To sum up my first month in Japan would take more effort and patience than I have right now, so I'll give a brief overview. I got a job. I got my alien registration card. I got malnourished.
Maybe that was a bit too brief.

I got a job; in Kawaguchi with children. It's great cos I don't have to set up anything. They've got a clear curriculum. I just show up and sing & dance (learning the songs are a bitch though). Co-workers are great too.

I got my alien registration card; that's exactly like it says on the tin. I applied and I picked it up around the 31st. I'm legal.

I got malnourished; apparently 7Eleven doesn't have everything you need to help you grow up strong. That combined with not having eaten meat in 3 weeks left me sleeping constantly and anaemic.

Other than the anaemia, Japan's been treating me good, so long!

Things I like about Japan

1. 7 Eleven; open 24hrs a day, who knew!
2. Prawn tenpura bento
3. Nakano station
4. Mandarake in Nakano
5. Green tea (still hate black though)
6. Ramen
7. Udon noodles
8. Being able to walk on the road (freaked me out at first)

Ding Dong Sheila's Dead

On a sad note...I got rid of my Toshiba laptop: Sheila. She just gave up. She is survived by her a replacement Vaio Laptop which will remain nameless out of respect for Sheila. She was a slow, power hungry bitch but she was all mine and will be missed... a little bit ^_^

...and, yes, that is my foot.

Working Girl

So I got a new job. No more McDonald's and all the shit. I've moved up from crew member to Catering Assisstant which basically means a 45p pay rise. No more minimum wage. Can you feel the joy? The thing about new jobs is that you get new bullshit to deal with. To some extent I appreciated the McDonald's zero tolerance for bullshit attitude. This new job has me constantly facing off attempts at brain washing; I don't like being told to be enthusiastic, I don't like shouting woohoo and high-fiving. Maybe it's the English in me. I believe that those things come naturally with time and I don't see the need to force it. It's seems to me that Company Speed (the imaginary name of my employers) has adopted a uniquely American brand of business courtesy of companies like Gap and Apple. I don't buy into the crap!

And then there's the baby... not my baby (thank God) but my sister's baby. Cute though she may be, crying is not my idea of fun. All she does is sleep, eat and shit - in that order.

In the end, I can't complain that much, not just because my wallet seems a bit fuller, but because I'm gonna be out of here soon. I leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again...

The Shit has hit the Fan

As if life wasn't crappy enough. We're in a recession/ suffering the effects of it. We hardly have any money and what money we do have goes to pay for the basics. The basics that are too expensive. Basics like bread, eggs and milk. People are having to make decisions about what not to eat in order to heat their homes. And naturally that brings about apathy...I think they call it anomie, at least that's what Durkheim says; events out of our control have deeply impacted us resulting in normlessness. While that is the reality, and it's a cruel reality, it doesn't excuse all the shit that's going on.

On a more positive note, these looters, anarchists and ne'er-do-wells are like the UN of looters, anarchists and ne'er-do-wells. It's a muticultural riot. Tony Blair (aka the devil incarnate) couldn't have wished for more. We've come so far.

Interimission

I feel bad. I've neglected the blog I've come to love so much. And tthere are no proper explanations. I was busy, but I wasn't busy with anything special. In fact it was bloody boring stuff. In between that busy and boring stuff it was easier to not write or think about writing. But now I'm on this ricketty old PC on a Sunday with nothing to do and I get the urge to write. Truth be told I've been thinking about writing for the past couple of weeks except I have no pens in hand when this lightening bolt strikes and so the idea I had about the announcer at Waterloo or the woman with three bags is filed under my things I'll eventually get around to doing list.
What was it I was gonna tell you again...? My life, my impending doom and my constant waiting. Well, all of those things are still going on and I'm okay with that, people (I mean my family) still piss me off but now I'm gainfully employed. Yes that's right, I have an income. Unfortunately, it's an income courtesy of your local fast food restaurant (it rhymes with Ronald's). Normally I'm pretty miserable about it, but then I see my pacheck and little it may be, it's my own.

Open Days and the Evil Monkey in Chris' room

If you've ever watched Family Guy you'd know that Nick Griffin's son, Chris, has this evil monkey living in his closet but nobody believes him. This evil monkey with jagged shark-like teeth always pops out of the closet and point maliciously at Chris.While i don't have a closest or an evil monkey living in that closet, I do have my commitments and every time I enter my bedroom and see them staring back at me maliciously, I think about Chris.

I went to the SOAS open day today. I hadn't slept the night before cos I normally sleep at 6am and I ran the risk of oversleeping if I tried to get a couple hours in. I took the central line to Holburn and changed to the Piccadilly. As soon as I got out, I realised that the map I'd printed of was gonna be useless. I was sleep deprived and kinda blase so I decided to wonder about/ follow any student-like people I saw. Just as I realised that I was going down the wrong street, I encountered a fellow applicant who was just as lost as I was.I think I was unconsciously sending off a 'Help, I'm bloody lost' beacon. She asked how to get to SOAS and I told her that I was wondering the same thing. We wondered about for a minute longer, talking about what courses we'd applied for and our names... the general "How do you do ?" stuff. She was Spanish and applying for Linguistics, other than having SOAS in common we were both totally jaded about religion. We didn't seem to be making any progress so we decided to ask a bystander.

We got there with time to spare and my hair was a mess. There was an introductory lecture in which I found out that SOAS was teaching Twi; maybe I should have applied for that. I think I'd have a better chance of getting in. Luckily for me the Japan and Korea lecture was held in the same room so I didn't have to get lost/ follow student-like people again. I'd give the main event a 3 out of 5. It seemed like they were free-styling it, which wouldn't have bugged me if they weren't reading off directly from the website (Japan more so than Korea). The thing about waiting is you get a lot of time to read. I've read all of the BA Japanese specification including the module specs many, many times. The most interesting thing I found was that even if Korean wasn't my major I could still organise a visit on a 6 week course.

I left after the lectures because I wasn't planning on living away from home and I figured I'd get a proper library tour if I was accepted. I slept on the train home.

I got home around 1:30pm to find that they were showing Only Yesterday, which I kinda love. I fell asleep behind it and woke up around 7pm. Watched Grand Designs, JLC: Turning Japanese and Question Time. The monkey was watching right along with me. I think it's gonna be a long night.

That age old resolution

Everyone has a new year's resolution of going on a diet and exercising with the aim of loosing weight. Maybe not everyone but definitely every woman does, I know I did. But my usual procrastinating self got in the way of that. I've decided to get back on the band wagon which involves portion control and some form of exercise. I'm thinking ラジオ体操 (Radio Exercise), it's only 3min and I'm not into hardcore exercise so it perfect, plus the piano music's just delightful. I'm gonna try to keep it up for a month. Wish me luck!

Man Bras

Justin Lee Collins, the greatness from Bristol, is in Japan trying to immerse himself in the culture. It's already way better than Kelly Osbourne's Turning Japanese but that might be because he's funnier. He's looking at some of the biggest crazes in Japan at the moment, which includes a visit to the producers of men's lingerie. Yeah, Japanese men wear lingerie. For me and you that would mean that they were cross-dressers, but for the Japanese it's a stress relief. What happened to drinking, massages, extreme sports, long baths...SEX! I think I read about this on GaijinPot a while ago, but... wow! It's different seeing the live action version.

A day in a life of monotony

I get up around 12:30 in the afternoon.
I shower.
I go downstairs to eat/nibble.
I go back upstairs to study.
I sleep at 6am after updating my blog.

My life of teaching myself Japanese, Psychology and Sociology is a quiet and sometimes boring one - a bit like this post, lol.

You once asked me...

...'How did we get here?'. And I had the answer straight away because I could never forget.

It was the first week of 2011 and the year hadn't started off the way I thought it would. I saw 2011 as my turning point. But nothing happened. I had trouble with university, or the lack there of, my A'levels and my dependency on Mother. I was in a funk, a depression. I wasn't supposed to be here, you see. I should have been in Japan loving or hating it. My room should have been empty.

In the beginning, I'd wake up everyday at 11am: have a bath, go downstairs and sit in the chair closest to the adaptor. I felt nothing so I said nothing. I was tired and sad and at that moment I wanted to be by myself. Unfortunately, all of you were home for the holidays. I wanted out... I couldn't breathe. Nurse was revising at the time and after having sat through three days of it your voice was like nails on a blackboard - I couldn't bare it. You remember, Nurse, you sat in the adjacent three-seater (which was her chair), and Mother was in the single beside me. Mami, you came down late so you got the floor, you were pregnant then, and we used to laugh about how you were having twins cos you were showing so early. I had to get away from you all and crawl into my bed and sleep because that was all I could think of doing that would help. As I got up I remember Mami asking me if I was going up to study and I said yes. What I was really thinking was "Whatever makes you happy. I can tell you'd prefer to sit on a chair so, enjoy".

I slept that day. I didn't eat or drink. I remember Mother poking her head in to ask what was wrong, and I remember thinking that you didn't really want to know, that maybe this was more of a formality for you. I told you I was tired and you were happy to leave it at that. I slept the next day. I ate a little. No one came to my room.

I started my A'level revision soon after, but I stopped going downstairs and I hardly ate. I thought about going to the Doctor but I was unsure and I couldn't will myself to go.

What upset me most was that you were all so willing to accept that 'she was just upstairs in her room and would come out when she felt like it wasn't our place to interfere'. I wanted someone to talk to; someone I could tell that I felt stuck and isolated and a failure. I needed someone to poke their head in my door and ask if I was okay. Someone to know me well enough to know that me saying I was okay was a lie. I wanted someone to sit at the edge of my bed while I lay in it. I wanted you to eventually ask me again what was wrong. But you never did. And having me as the absentee family member seemed to work for you guys. So I stayed upstairs and I studied and slept and ate...sometimes. And after a while it was like I was never there.

The story so far

So I've been away for a while. I can't really explain it except to say that I didn't feel like it. I recently sat the JLPT N5, which is a proficiency test for Japanese, it's the most basic level. I'm pretty sure I failed. And I know this because throughout my academic years I've learned that when I think I've failed, I've failed and when I think I've passed, I've passed. I can't guess and I can't wing it. It's a curse. My vocabulary was great, because all I do is Kanji. But that's not the problem when it's only a third of the whole test. I'm not that upset because now I know where I need extra help on in my studies, but it cost me 70 quid to figure that out. 

It happened 2 weeks ago but I forgot to write it

We were in the downstairs showroom and by we I mean the Henry VIII and the Sidekick who, according to her, went home early that day to study; not to disappear and never come back. After much observation I realised that her boss, the Brazilian, exaggerates things and anything he says should be taken with a grain of salt. We were trying on clothes, cos that's what you do when there's no supervision and the opportunity arises, and cataloging them when they're boss, the Brazilian, (I feel like I constantly need to say that cos it more sensory, when I say Brazilian you think a Rio de Janeiro - which he hates - and Miss World and tropical temperatures and cocktails and it all just seems so exciting) comes in and it's decided that he needs to try on some 5 inch heels. I'm not at all surprised when he finds a pair of heels that fit or when his buddy, our interim boss, the Dutchman (I'm running out of creative names) decides that he needs accessories so he adds a belt and one of the fake crowns we have lying about, and I'm not surprised to see that the Brazilian's waist is smaller than mine. I'm not surprised at all. In fact I'm laughing my head off. What I am surprised by is the way he struts in those 6 inch heels AND dances in them, like a regular at Stringfellow's I might add. Does the can can and so forth. It's a riot. It was a good afternoon but that was 2 weeks ago.

New Plan

I've decided to reject that bloody college. If they're willing to give away my place just because I was badly advised by an incompetent employee and just because they couldn't tell me, over the phone, that the fee would be 1,482 pounds then they don't deserve to have me studying in they're institution. At least, that's how I'm reconciling it. I've set my sights on self study, which I've been doing with Japanese so how hard can it be with Sociology and Psychology, she says (nervous laughter). I've found a place to take the exams and I've downloaded the spec for each course.

I feel good about the situation because sitting around another year was too painful to contemplate. I think in terms of wasted time as opposed to what's meant to be.

The Back-up

I had a back-up plan that was pretty air-tight. If I didn't get into the Japanese degree program I would re-do my A'levels just so I met the entry requirements of the course... it was a really solid plan. Nothing goes the way I want it to. I'm thinking about getting a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover, maybe even finding a pot of gold at the end any rainbow. Anything that would give me some luck would be perfect because I feel like the most unlucky person in the world. I can't re-do my A'levels this year because of some moron's bad, bad advice. The thing that bothers me the most is that it's another year I have to spend waiting, I don't want to mature or wait for fate because I don't believe in that shit. I'm mature enough and I'm ready.

You know nothing about people

You'd think that after spending several weeks with some people you'd know them. But I don't. I don't know what about they're families or their journey to get here. I don't know them and I don't make it my business to. I enjoy writing on my blog and a key part of that is to be observant but I find that I care less and less about the people and things going on around me. I'm apathetic about most things right now. Maybe I'm going through one of my depressions, maybe I'm just jaded. I don't know...

It's just a fucking Cape!

Have you met that person who thinks that they know everything about fashion and therefore whatever they say is law. What they say is beyond reproach and a conversation that should have lasted only a few seconds ends up taking minutes of my precious time, which could have been spent daydreaming and lazing. It ends up as a mini argument and the subsequent silence all so that you can forget about the whole saga by the next day. It's boring, it's a waste of time and it's annoying. That person insists on arguing with everything that you say, just because they have thunder thighs and have to be very careful about how the dress. And in the end I think about how I didn't really care that much about the topic in the first place and I was only trying to banter and that she's 29 and this is so lame. I think about how I need a job so that I can get a hair cut and buy some lovely clothes instead of the clothes I've had for five years plus. The clothes I wore when I was 18. I think about how I'd love to be shopping in Japan and away from this situation because I'm bored, unbelievably bored and restricted. It's just a fucking Cape!

Post-August 19th

In My Reality: San was empty because that's exactly what happened. NOTHING. On the night of August 18th I found out that the university wasn't accepting any home/EU students through Clearing, effectively cancelling Clearing 2010. I never got a chance to try...