Time Travelling vol.1 chp 1

In the months before I left, I didn't think too much. I tried not to think about the fact that I wouldn't be living in my house anymore, I wouldn't see my family anymore, I wouldn't my friends anymore, hell... I wouldn't see England anymore. I was moving on and taking the big leap. If I thought about it too much I would worry and fret over the fact that I'd be by myself in a foreign country with only my un-streetwise ass to rely on. Oh I was scared alright, I was scared shitless. But no one needed to know that; if they did, I'd be talked out of it.

Ding Dong Sheila's Dead

On a sad note...I got rid of my Toshiba laptop: Sheila. She just gave up. She is survived by her a replacement Vaio Laptop which will remain nameless out of respect for Sheila. She was a slow, power hungry bitch but she was all mine and will be missed... a little bit ^_^

...and, yes, that is my foot.

Working Girl

So I got a new job. No more McDonald's and all the shit. I've moved up from crew member to Catering Assisstant which basically means a 45p pay rise. No more minimum wage. Can you feel the joy? The thing about new jobs is that you get new bullshit to deal with. To some extent I appreciated the McDonald's zero tolerance for bullshit attitude. This new job has me constantly facing off attempts at brain washing; I don't like being told to be enthusiastic, I don't like shouting woohoo and high-fiving. Maybe it's the English in me. I believe that those things come naturally with time and I don't see the need to force it. It's seems to me that Company Speed (the imaginary name of my employers) has adopted a uniquely American brand of business courtesy of companies like Gap and Apple. I don't buy into the crap!

And then there's the baby... not my baby (thank God) but my sister's baby. Cute though she may be, crying is not my idea of fun. All she does is sleep, eat and shit - in that order.

In the end, I can't complain that much, not just because my wallet seems a bit fuller, but because I'm gonna be out of here soon. I leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again...

The Shit has hit the Fan

As if life wasn't crappy enough. We're in a recession/ suffering the effects of it. We hardly have any money and what money we do have goes to pay for the basics. The basics that are too expensive. Basics like bread, eggs and milk. People are having to make decisions about what not to eat in order to heat their homes. And naturally that brings about apathy...I think they call it anomie, at least that's what Durkheim says; events out of our control have deeply impacted us resulting in normlessness. While that is the reality, and it's a cruel reality, it doesn't excuse all the shit that's going on.

On a more positive note, these looters, anarchists and ne'er-do-wells are like the UN of looters, anarchists and ne'er-do-wells. It's a muticultural riot. Tony Blair (aka the devil incarnate) couldn't have wished for more. We've come so far.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 8 I like not being able to ride a bicycle...

...but you don't, I told him. What's so wrong about not being able to? I can take public transport, or a cab, or hell, I could walk. Sōsuke was on a crusade. Apparently it was unnatural, unthinkable that I couldn't ride a bike and I needed to learn immediately. I tried to convince him that I was too old and too easily bruised to worry about crap like that. But as I said he was on a crusade and wasn't taking "No!" for an answer. That's what led to me laying flat on my back in pain everywhere except for my ears.

He'd woken me up at 8 am that Saturday and considering I'd gone to bed at 3 am I was not pleased. I was hoping that if I ignored the doorbell long enough he'd get tired and berate me later. So I waited it out and he did leave after about 10 mins so I went back to my fantasy with classic Wentworth. All of a sudden I heard my front door open and my landlord's booming voice. The fucker had gotten my landlord to let him in. I was so incensed I got up without thinking. Two things happened: first, I exposed myself in my panties white, with a pink bow; second, I had a tumble - I suffer from chronic low BP, if I get up too quickly, everything goes black, I loose my balance. And that's just what happened. Luckily I was standing next to the wall so it braced my fall. It took about 15 seconds to clear up and when I could see again, there he was. You couldn't leave it alone could you? He grinned and said that he was worried. An obvious lie. I told my landlord that I was okay. He left and I went to the bathroom. There was no fighting with this idiot today and I was never gonna get my time with Wentworth back.

After I'd gotten dressed and he'd raided my fridge, we headed off to the park. We found a quiet spot on a hill-ish area and he started going through the basics of cycling  ie. peddle, breaks...wheel. I asked for training wheels but he said those were useless. He was on a mission to teach me and there was no stopping him. While he was spewing some crap about Voeckler and Sanchez I found myself wondering how the hell we got hear. I was a shit English teacher as it turned out; the only things I ever manged to get across to him were the swear words, but maybe that was because of my unruly student.

I finally got on and he pushed. It all happened very quickly. He said something about the best way to learn as he did so. I don't know what I replied but I'm pretty sure it wasn't PG-13. I don't remember much else. I'm pretty sure that my mind blocked out the trauma. I never actually passed out or anything but when I heard his footsteps I pretended to. He should be made to feel bad. I was soar, bruised and generally pissed off because of him. I've never in my life seen my melanin-rich skin so bruised. When we got back to my flat and he settled me on the couch, I told him that we were never doing that again. How about training wheels he said. We both smiled. As he got up to leave, I asked if he'd had a good birthday. The best he replied.

Interimission

I feel bad. I've neglected the blog I've come to love so much. And tthere are no proper explanations. I was busy, but I wasn't busy with anything special. In fact it was bloody boring stuff. In between that busy and boring stuff it was easier to not write or think about writing. But now I'm on this ricketty old PC on a Sunday with nothing to do and I get the urge to write. Truth be told I've been thinking about writing for the past couple of weeks except I have no pens in hand when this lightening bolt strikes and so the idea I had about the announcer at Waterloo or the woman with three bags is filed under my things I'll eventually get around to doing list.
What was it I was gonna tell you again...? My life, my impending doom and my constant waiting. Well, all of those things are still going on and I'm okay with that, people (I mean my family) still piss me off but now I'm gainfully employed. Yes that's right, I have an income. Unfortunately, it's an income courtesy of your local fast food restaurant (it rhymes with Ronald's). Normally I'm pretty miserable about it, but then I see my pacheck and little it may be, it's my own.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 7 A Short One

I don't know any of my neighbours in my building, but I didn't know any of my neighbours back in london and I lived on my street for at least twenty years. It didn't bother me and it didn't bother them. Here, in Japan, I like felt the needed to try. There was something about the alien surroundings that made me want to try harder, but old habits die hard. I'd said hello to neighbours in passing but that was it.

I was heading out to do some much needed snack shopping. I'd just closed my door when I heard my neighbour's door open. I turned to look and out popped a salt and pepper head that stood at 4'11''. She was wearing trousers and a simple pink top. I said Ohayou gaozaimasu. She stared at me blankly and my smiled widened. I looked like the cat from Alice in Wonderland. Just as I was about to leave she said that normally people introduce themselves when the move into a new place. I told her that that was one of the Japanese customs I was unfamiliar with and thanked her for telling me. She seemed crabby, but all old people are crabby for various reasons. I know this because my mother was a geriatric nurse, so I left it at that. I wouldn't normally write such a short post about a non-event but I realised that I didn't much care whether she liked me or not. It would have bothered me a few years ago but not now...

Open Days and the Evil Monkey in Chris' room

If you've ever watched Family Guy you'd know that Nick Griffin's son, Chris, has this evil monkey living in his closet but nobody believes him. This evil monkey with jagged shark-like teeth always pops out of the closet and point maliciously at Chris.While i don't have a closest or an evil monkey living in that closet, I do have my commitments and every time I enter my bedroom and see them staring back at me maliciously, I think about Chris.

I went to the SOAS open day today. I hadn't slept the night before cos I normally sleep at 6am and I ran the risk of oversleeping if I tried to get a couple hours in. I took the central line to Holburn and changed to the Piccadilly. As soon as I got out, I realised that the map I'd printed of was gonna be useless. I was sleep deprived and kinda blase so I decided to wonder about/ follow any student-like people I saw. Just as I realised that I was going down the wrong street, I encountered a fellow applicant who was just as lost as I was.I think I was unconsciously sending off a 'Help, I'm bloody lost' beacon. She asked how to get to SOAS and I told her that I was wondering the same thing. We wondered about for a minute longer, talking about what courses we'd applied for and our names... the general "How do you do ?" stuff. She was Spanish and applying for Linguistics, other than having SOAS in common we were both totally jaded about religion. We didn't seem to be making any progress so we decided to ask a bystander.

We got there with time to spare and my hair was a mess. There was an introductory lecture in which I found out that SOAS was teaching Twi; maybe I should have applied for that. I think I'd have a better chance of getting in. Luckily for me the Japan and Korea lecture was held in the same room so I didn't have to get lost/ follow student-like people again. I'd give the main event a 3 out of 5. It seemed like they were free-styling it, which wouldn't have bugged me if they weren't reading off directly from the website (Japan more so than Korea). The thing about waiting is you get a lot of time to read. I've read all of the BA Japanese specification including the module specs many, many times. The most interesting thing I found was that even if Korean wasn't my major I could still organise a visit on a 6 week course.

I left after the lectures because I wasn't planning on living away from home and I figured I'd get a proper library tour if I was accepted. I slept on the train home.

I got home around 1:30pm to find that they were showing Only Yesterday, which I kinda love. I fell asleep behind it and woke up around 7pm. Watched Grand Designs, JLC: Turning Japanese and Question Time. The monkey was watching right along with me. I think it's gonna be a long night.

That age old resolution

Everyone has a new year's resolution of going on a diet and exercising with the aim of loosing weight. Maybe not everyone but definitely every woman does, I know I did. But my usual procrastinating self got in the way of that. I've decided to get back on the band wagon which involves portion control and some form of exercise. I'm thinking ラジオ体操 (Radio Exercise), it's only 3min and I'm not into hardcore exercise so it perfect, plus the piano music's just delightful. I'm gonna try to keep it up for a month. Wish me luck!

The September Issue vol.1 chp 6 Sōsuke's garden

Sōsuke's the name of the main character in one of my favouritest (I'm aware it's not a word but it's so apt) films ever, Gake no ue no Ponyo. When I told him that he said that he preferred Spirited Away. Don't get me wrong, Spirited Away is great but Ponyo's... Ponyo's just spectacular!!!

We were sitting in the cafe, again. I was beginning to think that we needed a new hangout. He had a cup of coffee and I had a cup of hot chocolate. I was wondering about his tattoo, so I asked, luckily he was wearing just a T-shirt and a hoodie so he took it off and rolled up his sleeve. I'd expected something cliche and ordinary like a dragon or a snake but I should have known better, Sōsuke's not ordinary. It was a beautiful garden with jasmine; like my mother's back in London, crocuses with violet tips that bleached into pastel lilac that bleached into pale mauve and the peonies, oh the peonies; peachy pink ones with hints of sunset orange, white ones; not stark or clinical but with depth like ivory. Each flower was perfection. I couldn't help myself and before I thought my hands were reaching for his arm to touch, to get a better look. I stopped when he twitched and remembered to ask if it was okay. He chuckled and said it was. The peonies hang down from his shoulder caressed by the deep green shrubbery of jasmine which itself was spotted with tiny white jasmine flowers while the crocuses exploded from his elbow down to his forearm. I leaned in to smell as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if the garden on his arm was alive. I laughed at my sheer stupidity. He cocked a questioning eyebrow. I ignored him and carried on studying this garden which seemed to follow the subtle undulations of his arm. Just then I had a thought that it would have been spectacular if he could have tattooed a peony on his palm so that he was always holding it. I told him I was pretty much indifferent to gardens but this was officially my favourite. He chuckled again. Apparently it had been his original design so my praise was very much welcomed. We talked about why he got the tattoo and why I hadn't. I told him that I'd somehow convinced myself that keeping my body a blank canvas was just as big a statement as being covered in a huge one. He laughed again. Apparently I was very funny today. 

But today was my turn to ask the question and so I reminded him of that. I beamed as he ran his thumb and index finger across his mouth like a zip. When I asked him what he was doing working in the cafe he remarked that it was something to do while he figured out what he really wanted to do. Seeing as I'm a bit of a late bloomer I could understand. I asked if he was a native of Tokyo. Nope, he said he was from Gunma and that he'd moved here to be closer to his brother. His family owned a fabric company and they specialised in dyeing. I popped up like a bunny, my ears were at attention. I'd been resting on the table as I listened but this really got my attention. It was like my book, my Japanese fashion book that I'd bought years ago and still adored. I asked him if he knew of the processes in dyeing and he gave me a "of course I do", playful, chiding kinda look. Ever since I'd read that book I'd been interested in fabric dyeing, alas none of my attempts came to fruition because my vision was often too complicated for my amateur skills. I tend to get overly ambitious about projects I lack the skill to finish.

Hold on a sec, your little brother doesn't look like he's fully Japanese I said. So you finally realised who he was, he said. I nodded and waited for an answer. He was resting his head on the palm of his hand while his eyes wandered around the room for a couple of seconds before they came back to mine. He said that his parents were divorced and that his mother had remarried a French guy. So your father's still in Gunma. Yeah, he replied, he was running the business. He didn't seem like he wanted to linger on the topic so I told him his brother was cute but sneaky. He grinned as if he knew just how sneaky he was.

I told him that he was a bag of wonders and that reminded me to ask him about our first meeting. I told him that I thought he was having a bad day and that I was making him work harder than he needed or wanted to. He laughed again, he was a barrel of laughs today. He said that he had been having a bad day because he'd had a cycling accident the day before and his back felt like shit and he'd preferred to have sat at home in pain than stand at work in pain but he couldn't afford to miss a day of work. That explains the Mintease, I said. Actually it was Tiger balm, he replied.

When we got to the station, he asked if I'd be willing to tutor him in English. I said sure, I enjoyed his company so I'd be willing to help him out. He didn't need to pay cos I felt bad taking money from him when I was getting as much out of our conversations as he would get out of my tutoring. When I told him as much, he looked uncomfortable at the idea and I could tell we were gonna have to compromise on that one. It seemed as good a time as any so I told him that lesson one was formal introductions.

Hello, my name is SayJapanese. It's a pleasure to meet you.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 5 Robin who?

Robin Hood, that's who. He's forever engraved in our history for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, using a bow and arrow, at least according to Kevin Costner. The only thing I still don't get is why he couldn't put on a solid British accent instead of that posh American one. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't detract from the film; it held my attention from beginning to end, there was a solid cast and no one was tanned. But what's my point? My point is that I've decided to join the archery club at one of my schools. I was watching the film a couple of days ago and I remembered that Kyuudou (Japanese archery) was one of the 'things to-do' on my mental 'things to-do' list. I get a uniform, a bow and probably some arrows. I'm gonna be practicing with the kids, hopefully they won't beat me up and steal my lunch money.

Man Bras

Justin Lee Collins, the greatness from Bristol, is in Japan trying to immerse himself in the culture. It's already way better than Kelly Osbourne's Turning Japanese but that might be because he's funnier. He's looking at some of the biggest crazes in Japan at the moment, which includes a visit to the producers of men's lingerie. Yeah, Japanese men wear lingerie. For me and you that would mean that they were cross-dressers, but for the Japanese it's a stress relief. What happened to drinking, massages, extreme sports, long baths...SEX! I think I read about this on GaijinPot a while ago, but... wow! It's different seeing the live action version.

A day in a life of monotony

I get up around 12:30 in the afternoon.
I shower.
I go downstairs to eat/nibble.
I go back upstairs to study.
I sleep at 6am after updating my blog.

My life of teaching myself Japanese, Psychology and Sociology is a quiet and sometimes boring one - a bit like this post, lol.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 4 My New Friend

Turns out Perky Ken was actually the older brother of a student. With all the reluctance I got from the beginning, he sang like a Canary when I asked him if we'd met before. Apparently I had had enough of an impression on the student for him to tell his brother about me. It's a small world; the chances that I would go back to that cafe, that he would put two and two together are probably like one in a million but I hate math so I'm not even gonna try guessing. I couldn't recall his brother's face at that moment - I had met so many kids since I got here - so I just nodded and smiled and pretended to know.

Perky Ken was pleasant looking, now that I was taking a proper look at him, in the way Asian men are. I'm not sure how to describe it, but for the most part, I'm not attracted to Asian men and I would never call one sexy, so I just settle on pleasant. It's not like I wouldn't go out with an Asian man, it's just that I don't react to most of them. Then again I've got odd taste in men... but that's another post. The even funnier thing is that I don't react to black men either, even I think it's weird considering I'm black. I kinda think of them the way I think of my male family members, except they're not.

Like I said Perky Ken was pleasant. He was about 5'10"; but being as short as I am everyone seems tall to me. He had black neck length hair in a ponytail/bun thing and a scruffy beard. He had light brown eyes and an ear piercing, the tragus type. I once had delusions of getting that piercing done but body art of any kind should be done on impulse coz if you wait, you won't ever do it and I waited. He had on a pair of jeans, a Radiohead T-shirt and underneath that was a long-sleeve grey T-shirt. It didn't seem long enough to cover his arm so I could see the beginnings of a tattoo just beneath his wrist. It was a big. I like big coloured tattoos that cover a substantial portion of the body. I also had delusions of a torso length tattoo made up of an assortment of stars, as in twinkle twinkle. I figured if I was gonna have a tattoo it was gonna be one everybody would know about, again I waited. I think it's called a sleeve when it covers the entire length of the arm. I suspected it was a dragon but I couldn't get a good look and I didn't want to stare. He was leaning over as he rattled on about his brother, he smelled of some eau de toilette (I'm not good with perfumes) and Mintease??? I hate the smell of anything menthol based do I offered him a seat to stop him from washing over me.

We talked about me, his brother - just as I figured out who he was - and what's always on everyone's mind: "Why did you wanna study Japanese?" The funny thing was, there I was using the politest Japanese the situation required and there he was talking to me ask if I was a childhood friend. He was odd. His enthusiasm was intoxicating. I was drunk on it and so I wanted to know more. He was odd but I liked it, he wasn't shielded like everybody else.

After about 20 min his boss called him to get back to work and I realised that I hadn't asked his name which, thinking about it now, was kinda random because we'd been talking for the longest time I'd spent talking to anyone here in a casual setting. I hadn't asked and he hadn't offered. So as he got up I asked. I should already know his name he said. I smiled and he said "My name is Sōsuke", I smiled wider...

You once asked me...

...'How did we get here?'. And I had the answer straight away because I could never forget.

It was the first week of 2011 and the year hadn't started off the way I thought it would. I saw 2011 as my turning point. But nothing happened. I had trouble with university, or the lack there of, my A'levels and my dependency on Mother. I was in a funk, a depression. I wasn't supposed to be here, you see. I should have been in Japan loving or hating it. My room should have been empty.

In the beginning, I'd wake up everyday at 11am: have a bath, go downstairs and sit in the chair closest to the adaptor. I felt nothing so I said nothing. I was tired and sad and at that moment I wanted to be by myself. Unfortunately, all of you were home for the holidays. I wanted out... I couldn't breathe. Nurse was revising at the time and after having sat through three days of it your voice was like nails on a blackboard - I couldn't bare it. You remember, Nurse, you sat in the adjacent three-seater (which was her chair), and Mother was in the single beside me. Mami, you came down late so you got the floor, you were pregnant then, and we used to laugh about how you were having twins cos you were showing so early. I had to get away from you all and crawl into my bed and sleep because that was all I could think of doing that would help. As I got up I remember Mami asking me if I was going up to study and I said yes. What I was really thinking was "Whatever makes you happy. I can tell you'd prefer to sit on a chair so, enjoy".

I slept that day. I didn't eat or drink. I remember Mother poking her head in to ask what was wrong, and I remember thinking that you didn't really want to know, that maybe this was more of a formality for you. I told you I was tired and you were happy to leave it at that. I slept the next day. I ate a little. No one came to my room.

I started my A'level revision soon after, but I stopped going downstairs and I hardly ate. I thought about going to the Doctor but I was unsure and I couldn't will myself to go.

What upset me most was that you were all so willing to accept that 'she was just upstairs in her room and would come out when she felt like it wasn't our place to interfere'. I wanted someone to talk to; someone I could tell that I felt stuck and isolated and a failure. I needed someone to poke their head in my door and ask if I was okay. Someone to know me well enough to know that me saying I was okay was a lie. I wanted someone to sit at the edge of my bed while I lay in it. I wanted you to eventually ask me again what was wrong. But you never did. And having me as the absentee family member seemed to work for you guys. So I stayed upstairs and I studied and slept and ate...sometimes. And after a while it was like I was never there.

Mr. LaMontagne

In between depression, kanji and stupid A'levels, I realised that I love Ray LaMontagne. I feel like he's giving me a hug when he sings.