That age old resolution

Everyone has a new year's resolution of going on a diet and exercising with the aim of loosing weight. Maybe not everyone but definitely every woman does, I know I did. But my usual procrastinating self got in the way of that. I've decided to get back on the band wagon which involves portion control and some form of exercise. I'm thinking ラジオ体操 (Radio Exercise), it's only 3min and I'm not into hardcore exercise so it perfect, plus the piano music's just delightful. I'm gonna try to keep it up for a month. Wish me luck!

The September Issue vol.1 chp 6 Sōsuke's garden

Sōsuke's the name of the main character in one of my favouritest (I'm aware it's not a word but it's so apt) films ever, Gake no ue no Ponyo. When I told him that he said that he preferred Spirited Away. Don't get me wrong, Spirited Away is great but Ponyo's... Ponyo's just spectacular!!!

We were sitting in the cafe, again. I was beginning to think that we needed a new hangout. He had a cup of coffee and I had a cup of hot chocolate. I was wondering about his tattoo, so I asked, luckily he was wearing just a T-shirt and a hoodie so he took it off and rolled up his sleeve. I'd expected something cliche and ordinary like a dragon or a snake but I should have known better, Sōsuke's not ordinary. It was a beautiful garden with jasmine; like my mother's back in London, crocuses with violet tips that bleached into pastel lilac that bleached into pale mauve and the peonies, oh the peonies; peachy pink ones with hints of sunset orange, white ones; not stark or clinical but with depth like ivory. Each flower was perfection. I couldn't help myself and before I thought my hands were reaching for his arm to touch, to get a better look. I stopped when he twitched and remembered to ask if it was okay. He chuckled and said it was. The peonies hang down from his shoulder caressed by the deep green shrubbery of jasmine which itself was spotted with tiny white jasmine flowers while the crocuses exploded from his elbow down to his forearm. I leaned in to smell as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if the garden on his arm was alive. I laughed at my sheer stupidity. He cocked a questioning eyebrow. I ignored him and carried on studying this garden which seemed to follow the subtle undulations of his arm. Just then I had a thought that it would have been spectacular if he could have tattooed a peony on his palm so that he was always holding it. I told him I was pretty much indifferent to gardens but this was officially my favourite. He chuckled again. Apparently it had been his original design so my praise was very much welcomed. We talked about why he got the tattoo and why I hadn't. I told him that I'd somehow convinced myself that keeping my body a blank canvas was just as big a statement as being covered in a huge one. He laughed again. Apparently I was very funny today. 

But today was my turn to ask the question and so I reminded him of that. I beamed as he ran his thumb and index finger across his mouth like a zip. When I asked him what he was doing working in the cafe he remarked that it was something to do while he figured out what he really wanted to do. Seeing as I'm a bit of a late bloomer I could understand. I asked if he was a native of Tokyo. Nope, he said he was from Gunma and that he'd moved here to be closer to his brother. His family owned a fabric company and they specialised in dyeing. I popped up like a bunny, my ears were at attention. I'd been resting on the table as I listened but this really got my attention. It was like my book, my Japanese fashion book that I'd bought years ago and still adored. I asked him if he knew of the processes in dyeing and he gave me a "of course I do", playful, chiding kinda look. Ever since I'd read that book I'd been interested in fabric dyeing, alas none of my attempts came to fruition because my vision was often too complicated for my amateur skills. I tend to get overly ambitious about projects I lack the skill to finish.

Hold on a sec, your little brother doesn't look like he's fully Japanese I said. So you finally realised who he was, he said. I nodded and waited for an answer. He was resting his head on the palm of his hand while his eyes wandered around the room for a couple of seconds before they came back to mine. He said that his parents were divorced and that his mother had remarried a French guy. So your father's still in Gunma. Yeah, he replied, he was running the business. He didn't seem like he wanted to linger on the topic so I told him his brother was cute but sneaky. He grinned as if he knew just how sneaky he was.

I told him that he was a bag of wonders and that reminded me to ask him about our first meeting. I told him that I thought he was having a bad day and that I was making him work harder than he needed or wanted to. He laughed again, he was a barrel of laughs today. He said that he had been having a bad day because he'd had a cycling accident the day before and his back felt like shit and he'd preferred to have sat at home in pain than stand at work in pain but he couldn't afford to miss a day of work. That explains the Mintease, I said. Actually it was Tiger balm, he replied.

When we got to the station, he asked if I'd be willing to tutor him in English. I said sure, I enjoyed his company so I'd be willing to help him out. He didn't need to pay cos I felt bad taking money from him when I was getting as much out of our conversations as he would get out of my tutoring. When I told him as much, he looked uncomfortable at the idea and I could tell we were gonna have to compromise on that one. It seemed as good a time as any so I told him that lesson one was formal introductions.

Hello, my name is SayJapanese. It's a pleasure to meet you.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 5 Robin who?

Robin Hood, that's who. He's forever engraved in our history for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, using a bow and arrow, at least according to Kevin Costner. The only thing I still don't get is why he couldn't put on a solid British accent instead of that posh American one. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't detract from the film; it held my attention from beginning to end, there was a solid cast and no one was tanned. But what's my point? My point is that I've decided to join the archery club at one of my schools. I was watching the film a couple of days ago and I remembered that Kyuudou (Japanese archery) was one of the 'things to-do' on my mental 'things to-do' list. I get a uniform, a bow and probably some arrows. I'm gonna be practicing with the kids, hopefully they won't beat me up and steal my lunch money.

Man Bras

Justin Lee Collins, the greatness from Bristol, is in Japan trying to immerse himself in the culture. It's already way better than Kelly Osbourne's Turning Japanese but that might be because he's funnier. He's looking at some of the biggest crazes in Japan at the moment, which includes a visit to the producers of men's lingerie. Yeah, Japanese men wear lingerie. For me and you that would mean that they were cross-dressers, but for the Japanese it's a stress relief. What happened to drinking, massages, extreme sports, long baths...SEX! I think I read about this on GaijinPot a while ago, but... wow! It's different seeing the live action version.

A day in a life of monotony

I get up around 12:30 in the afternoon.
I shower.
I go downstairs to eat/nibble.
I go back upstairs to study.
I sleep at 6am after updating my blog.

My life of teaching myself Japanese, Psychology and Sociology is a quiet and sometimes boring one - a bit like this post, lol.

The September Issue vol.1 chp 4 My New Friend

Turns out Perky Ken was actually the older brother of a student. With all the reluctance I got from the beginning, he sang like a Canary when I asked him if we'd met before. Apparently I had had enough of an impression on the student for him to tell his brother about me. It's a small world; the chances that I would go back to that cafe, that he would put two and two together are probably like one in a million but I hate math so I'm not even gonna try guessing. I couldn't recall his brother's face at that moment - I had met so many kids since I got here - so I just nodded and smiled and pretended to know.

Perky Ken was pleasant looking, now that I was taking a proper look at him, in the way Asian men are. I'm not sure how to describe it, but for the most part, I'm not attracted to Asian men and I would never call one sexy, so I just settle on pleasant. It's not like I wouldn't go out with an Asian man, it's just that I don't react to most of them. Then again I've got odd taste in men... but that's another post. The even funnier thing is that I don't react to black men either, even I think it's weird considering I'm black. I kinda think of them the way I think of my male family members, except they're not.

Like I said Perky Ken was pleasant. He was about 5'10"; but being as short as I am everyone seems tall to me. He had black neck length hair in a ponytail/bun thing and a scruffy beard. He had light brown eyes and an ear piercing, the tragus type. I once had delusions of getting that piercing done but body art of any kind should be done on impulse coz if you wait, you won't ever do it and I waited. He had on a pair of jeans, a Radiohead T-shirt and underneath that was a long-sleeve grey T-shirt. It didn't seem long enough to cover his arm so I could see the beginnings of a tattoo just beneath his wrist. It was a big. I like big coloured tattoos that cover a substantial portion of the body. I also had delusions of a torso length tattoo made up of an assortment of stars, as in twinkle twinkle. I figured if I was gonna have a tattoo it was gonna be one everybody would know about, again I waited. I think it's called a sleeve when it covers the entire length of the arm. I suspected it was a dragon but I couldn't get a good look and I didn't want to stare. He was leaning over as he rattled on about his brother, he smelled of some eau de toilette (I'm not good with perfumes) and Mintease??? I hate the smell of anything menthol based do I offered him a seat to stop him from washing over me.

We talked about me, his brother - just as I figured out who he was - and what's always on everyone's mind: "Why did you wanna study Japanese?" The funny thing was, there I was using the politest Japanese the situation required and there he was talking to me ask if I was a childhood friend. He was odd. His enthusiasm was intoxicating. I was drunk on it and so I wanted to know more. He was odd but I liked it, he wasn't shielded like everybody else.

After about 20 min his boss called him to get back to work and I realised that I hadn't asked his name which, thinking about it now, was kinda random because we'd been talking for the longest time I'd spent talking to anyone here in a casual setting. I hadn't asked and he hadn't offered. So as he got up I asked. I should already know his name he said. I smiled and he said "My name is Sōsuke", I smiled wider...

You once asked me...

...'How did we get here?'. And I had the answer straight away because I could never forget.

It was the first week of 2011 and the year hadn't started off the way I thought it would. I saw 2011 as my turning point. But nothing happened. I had trouble with university, or the lack there of, my A'levels and my dependency on Mother. I was in a funk, a depression. I wasn't supposed to be here, you see. I should have been in Japan loving or hating it. My room should have been empty.

In the beginning, I'd wake up everyday at 11am: have a bath, go downstairs and sit in the chair closest to the adaptor. I felt nothing so I said nothing. I was tired and sad and at that moment I wanted to be by myself. Unfortunately, all of you were home for the holidays. I wanted out... I couldn't breathe. Nurse was revising at the time and after having sat through three days of it your voice was like nails on a blackboard - I couldn't bare it. You remember, Nurse, you sat in the adjacent three-seater (which was her chair), and Mother was in the single beside me. Mami, you came down late so you got the floor, you were pregnant then, and we used to laugh about how you were having twins cos you were showing so early. I had to get away from you all and crawl into my bed and sleep because that was all I could think of doing that would help. As I got up I remember Mami asking me if I was going up to study and I said yes. What I was really thinking was "Whatever makes you happy. I can tell you'd prefer to sit on a chair so, enjoy".

I slept that day. I didn't eat or drink. I remember Mother poking her head in to ask what was wrong, and I remember thinking that you didn't really want to know, that maybe this was more of a formality for you. I told you I was tired and you were happy to leave it at that. I slept the next day. I ate a little. No one came to my room.

I started my A'level revision soon after, but I stopped going downstairs and I hardly ate. I thought about going to the Doctor but I was unsure and I couldn't will myself to go.

What upset me most was that you were all so willing to accept that 'she was just upstairs in her room and would come out when she felt like it wasn't our place to interfere'. I wanted someone to talk to; someone I could tell that I felt stuck and isolated and a failure. I needed someone to poke their head in my door and ask if I was okay. Someone to know me well enough to know that me saying I was okay was a lie. I wanted someone to sit at the edge of my bed while I lay in it. I wanted you to eventually ask me again what was wrong. But you never did. And having me as the absentee family member seemed to work for you guys. So I stayed upstairs and I studied and slept and ate...sometimes. And after a while it was like I was never there.

Mr. LaMontagne

In between depression, kanji and stupid A'levels, I realised that I love Ray LaMontagne. I feel like he's giving me a hug when he sings.